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Martin Krpan
Martin Krpan is the main protagonist and a fictional character from a book of the same name and a Slovenian cultural icon and some type of a role model. He is the perfect representation of how the Slovenes (under those fascist Hapsburgs at the time) were in war with the Turks who planned on ruling our beautiful homeland. Krpan however, was also a salt smuggler, something which was illegal at the time because it was used for gun powder. Info A Slovenian subject of the evil Hapsburg Empire and one of the strongest (if not the strongest) men in it, Martin hails from the village of Hilltop by the Holy Trinity. A smuggler and farmer by profession, when not working in his barn, on his farm and dealing with his beasts of a livestock, he is illegally transporting English salt into his land. With a giant, like he is, help of his loyal, diminutive brown mare, he carries the salt from the Adriatic Sea coast to the Slovene Lands and elsewhere in Inner Austria in Europe in order to provide some of his buyers with gunpowder. On one of his travels in winter, Krpan meets the imperial carriage on a snowbound road, and makes way for it by picking up his laden and drunken horse and moving it aside on the road. His extraordinary strength is noted by the Emperor John of Hapsburgs and his stagecoach driver. Emperor Johnny compliments Krpan's strength and asks him what the hell is in those bags his horse carries. Mart, not wanting to get caught and be put in some stinking hole aka palace dungeon later, lies to his Majesty and claims to have some 'shrooms and wood in his bags which the 'coach driver and Johnny believe like the idiots that they are. Krpan is happy that he was able to escape their clutches. About a year later, the Emperor summons Krpan to Vienna by his stagecoach in order to spoil him rotten so Krpan would agree to fight as the Empire and Emperor's last hope against a Turkish invader by the name of Barbados who was 7 feet tall, had a brutal and bloodthirsty attitude and he set himself up a camp outside the imperial capital and John's own castle and challenged all comers and Johnny's knights, and has already slain most of the city's top men, including the Crown Prince, John's very own son! After some feasting at the palace, Krpan finally accepts the challenge, scandalising the court with his unctuousness, honesty and homespun manner, before killing the brute known as Barbados in a duel by using all; his strength, ingenuity and weapons: a giant butcher axe and a caveman-like club. Krpan destroyed and annihilated the Turkish giant by cutting his creepy head off with his axe. In gratitude, the Emperor feeds Krpan some more in his castle and then gives him a special permit to legally traffic into the country English salt and as well as a pouch of gold pieces so he could buy himself some new fancy clothes. However, concerning the deal of legally trafficking in salt from England, he will have to share some of it with John's Hapsburgs empire, something Marty reluctantly agreed on. Trivia *A picture of Martin Krpan is also on a Tarot card made by Hinko Smrekar in 1917. That card is very sacred, tho and only a few have been able to acquire it. *There are a few statues of Martin in Slovenia. *He is laughing at the Sodium Chloride meme from Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius from his grave. *Like Pete Clemenza and Elvis Smoth, Martin is a big eater, but Pete can't even compare himself to a god like Krpan. Quite frankly, neither can Smoth. Gallery Krpan's_book_2.jpg|Here Krpan looks like something out of RDR. Krpan_wish_horse.jpg|Martin holding his horse by the tail so it won't escape. Krpan_wins.jpg|Krpan just took Barbados' head off. Krpan's_book.jpg|A rather poorly drawn book cover. Krpan_on_horse.jpg|Krpan shows the border patrol that he has the Empire's permission to smuggle salt. Krpa_breaking_swords.jpg|Marty fooling around and breaking the Hapsburg's swords. Category:Characters Category:Made up Characters Category:Chaotic Good Category:Giants Category:Farmers Category:Animal Kindness Category:Christians Category:Slovenians Category:AWESOME PEOPLE! Category:Power Level over 9000!!!! Category:Overweight characters Category:Criminals Category:Well equipped albatross